i was once a bully, too, but i'm not proud of it..

Last week, I read two separate reports about kids getting bullied at school and ended up lying on the hospital bed in critical conditions. (The other one committed suicide because she couldn't take it anymore - sic!) My heart goes out to the parents and to the victims who have suffered so much from the hands of others. October is the National Bullying Prevention Month and I am one of those who really want bullies to stop, whether at school or through the Internet.

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively to impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. 

 Who am I to tell you something about being a bully? Well, I should know, because I used to be one in elementary school. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... That I am a bad example and shouldn't be preaching like "holier than thou".  Yes, I admit, I was one of those who used to tease her classmates in grade school and I am not proud of what I did. I sincerely regret everything I have done bad to my classmates.

 Let me take you to a nostalgic trip to my First Grade in Elementary school. There was this boy I really didn't like to sit with in our classroom. I often teased him for growing so much hair (more like an Afro) and because he talked with his saliva spewing every now and then. I was really mean at him. Sometime in October of 1986, one afternoon, a few minutes before we were dismissed, I went outside to go to the C.R. (Comfort Room) which was about 100 steps away from my classroom. But before you reach the C.R, you have to pass by the Auditorium quadrangle. On one of the high cement seats, my classmate Eugene was crouching & bending like crazy, trying to reach his book which fell from his bag. Out of nowhere, a silly thought came to my mind.

 You know what I did? I pushed him! I was actually grinning when I pushed his behind while he was crouching and BOOM! He fell on the cement, FACE DOWN! Oh My Gosh! The next thing I knew, there was blood all over his face and his mouth swollen, big time! I shrieked and didn't know what to do. Someone had actually witnessed the whole scene and in a few minutes, my classroom adviser came rushing to Eugene's side and the school janitor who also saw what happened, grabbed my arm and took me to the Principal's Office.

 My Gosh! That was really the stupidest thing I ever did. I apologized all the way to the Principal's Office and I was really crying when I finally saw Eugene's bandaged face. I was suspended for a day because of what happened. From then on, Eugene never talked to me again. Although we still became classmates until Sixth Grade, I think he still regarded me as an enemy because then he transferred to a different school when we reached High School. We never made contact again after that. Lately, I saw him on Facebook and was glad that he accpeted my friend request. Maybe he had forgotten what I did more than 25 years ago.

But let me tell you, I have learned my lesson since then.

 Anyway, aside from being one of the bullies before, I have witnessed a number of instances where kids are being harassed by their classmates. (Just last week, I saw a bully removing this other boy's chair and won't let him sit anywhere while his friends cheered him on. So cruel!)

Likewise, my own son, Kyle experienced getting bullied in his prep-school. His Kinder buddies taunted him for not being friendly and not talking much in the classroom. Kyle didn't talk to most of his classmates but when he felt that they are laughing at him for being an introvert, he cried and hid under his desk and didn't come up until dismissal. I only learned about it when one of his teachers told me during our monthly one-on-one.

Thankfully, my kid wasn't traumatized. His behavior improved when he changed schools and met new friends.. As early as now, I talk to my kids about Bullies and how not to be one.   I tell them to be nice to their classmates and friends. I tell them to be also nice to kids who are bullied.  I even tell them to inform their teachers if they are being bullied or see anyone getting harassed.

  To bullies, please let's stop the hate. Let's stop tormenting others. Let's just stop. Think about yourself and your future. You wouldn't want to land in jail, would you?