hush now, baby kian...

i don't feel well today.. i should be blamed.. i am such a bad mom.. i should have been more attentive to my child's welfare instead of fixing that freaking bike! i must be punished!

last night, something bad happened to my youngest kid, Kian. we were biking along the subdivision when the chains (kadena) of our sidecar (bike) fell off. we were three houses away from our own house and i decided to fix the chains first before going home. since i was with my kiddies Kyle & Kian, i told them to stay put so they wont be run over by passing cars & trikes.. but my toddlers are so pasaway & hyper.. instead of behaving, Kyle stood up from his seat and crawled up and down.. little Kian imitated his kuya.. i was busily fastening the chains that i did not notice Kyle jumping up which made our bike moved backwards... too late when i realized that Kian wasn't holding on to anything, thus he fell off-balance, his head hitting the chain knuckles..

i was shocked when Kian cried upon hitting his head.. i shouted loud enough for my mom to hear me so she could pick my other son Kyle, then i readily rushed him to the house. there i noticed blood dripping from Kian's head and on my shirt.. i swallowed hard and tried hard not to cry but seeing my baby's face all bloddy red made me nauseous.. luckily, my brother Jonas was there to support me.. my husband came rushing in from his bedroom after he heard me & kian cry.. i knew he was upset to see our child hurt & bleeding.. Jonas & my hubby did their best to clean the wound on Kian's head using alcohol, betadine & bandages.. but the blood was still pouring out.. i really freaked out! good thing Kian stopped crying when i held him while his daddy smothered betadine on his wound.. he was very brave...

my husband Marc suggested we go to the nearest hospital so the doctors could properly check up on our baby.. i was too tired & teary-eyed to reply.. i simply cannot talk.. my mom poked me on my ribs and asked me to change my shirt because mine was splattered with red. then off we went to St. Raphael Medical Center. thanks to the doctors and nurses who attended to him right away.. i was really a mess while i was being asked about the mishap.. i didn't know if they understood what i was saying.. my husband & brother were the ones who listened to the doctor's diagnosis and presciptions.. what mattered to me the most was my son's safety.. when they put him on the X-Ray room to check on his head, Kian started crying again.. my hubby was very calm during the whole ordeal.. i really wasn't able to think and function very well at those times, but thanks to my hubby for not blaming me for anything at all..

anyway, to cut the story short, we went home around 8pm.. Kian's head was bandaged. when his older brother Kyle saw his head, he embraced his little sibling and said, "Kian, i love you" and then he did the same to me.. he hugged me and told me not to cry anymore..

it was only this morning when i finally remembered what my hubby told me about my son's medications.. we have to observe him the whole day, making sure that he doesn't get sick or get high temperature and/or vomit.. if everything seems fine with him, there's really nothing to worry about.. thanks to my HMO, the hospitalization and medicines were all covered.. and thanks to my hubby's constant reassurance that everything's gonna be alright.. i really needed him to say those words to me..

so far, he's doing good.. when he woke up this morning, it was as if nothing had happened to him.. he was the same little Kian, he smiled when his eyes opened, he asked for his milk and then peed on his diaper afterwards.. no high fever or anything.. thanks be to God..

but whenever i think of what had transpired, i still can't concentrate and i always end up blaming myself.. i'm so pathetic!

get well soon my little baby.. mommy loves you...