mga banat ni Inday...

marahil ay kilala nyo na si Inday dahil sa mga e-mail na naglilipana sa Internet tungkol sa kanyang kakayahang mag-Ingles..

napag-alaman ko na ang kwentong ito ay mula sa estudyante ng ate ng kaibigan kong si Mariz - (read: student of Mariz's older sister)... ayon sa kanya, ginagawa daw ito ng estudyante bawat linggo, hanggang sa dumami na nga at madami na ang nkigaya sa kanya...

napakagaling ng batang yun, kung ganun!

enewey, nais kong ibahagi ang napag-alaman ko tungkol kay Inday at kung paano sya gumaling sa pag-i-spokening dollars..

tayo nang magbasa, mga bata!

~~~~~~~~~~

Pumasok si Inday bilang katulong nina Ederlyn last June lang.. Baguhan siya kaya medyo wala pang masyadong alam sa pagiging katulong.. Isang araw, inutusan ni Ederlyn si Inday:

"Ederlyn: Inday! Pagkatapos mong maglaba, linisin mo buong bahay pati kisame at kaskasin mo yung tiles ng dalawang pool! Paliguan mo na yung tatlong aso at magluto ka na ng hapunan dahil maya-maya lang, darating na ang sir mo. Tapos, pumunta ka kina Mrs Rosales, dalhin mo yung apat na malalaking kahon. Bumili ka na din ng isang galing mantika, ketchup, toyo, 10 sardinas, 20 corned beef, 30 century tuna, 15 maling, at isang sakong bigas. Oh, heto pera. Sakto yan. Maglakad ka na lang at strike mga tricycle ngayon, okay?

Inday: **** INA MO!"

Simula nun, nabuwisit na si Ederlyn sa kanya. Pero sa halip na sisantihin niya si Inday ay pinag-alsa balutan niya to at ipinadala sa Inglatera para doon mag-aral ng good manners and right conduct.

Makalipas ang 2weeks, dahil crash course lang naman ang kinuha ni Inday (kagaya nang kay Angel Locsin) ay bumalik na ito at muling sumabak sa pagkakatulong. Ngunit isang napakabagong Inday ang nasaksihan nina Ederlyn.

Ilang sa mga nakakadugong sagot ni inday:

I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.
- sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo!

"By the manner of scrutinizing the frail aerodynamics design of this supposed heavier than air glider stringed toy, I suggest that you should come up in a symmetrical airfoil, that will produced a great amount of lift. In accordance with the standard of the NACA ( National Advisory Committe for Aeronautics)."
- paliwanag ni Inday kung bakit ayaw lumipad ng saranggola ni Junior.
(at pang aeronautical engineer na ang level ni Inday)

There are tulips in the street.
There are tulips in the park.
But nothing compares to our two lips meeting in the dark.
-Pamatay lines ni Inday para kay Dodong.


jeepney driver: hoy! bakit sais lang ang binayad mo?! syete na ang pamasage ngayon!

Inday: I am currenty enrolled in a 2-yr vocational course in an academic institution. therefore, i am a student and, by this fact, i am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. this is why i provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix....

jeepney driver: Aawww...sorry miss...(nosebleed!)

Amo 1: Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan ang kinis mo kasi eh?
Amo 2: Siguro gumagamit ka ng papaya soap
Amo 1: Baka naman kalamansi?
Inday: No!

"Only Belo touches my skin, who touches yours!"

At ngayon, maraming umaapela sa pagsikat ni Inday. Dahil nausungan pa niya ang career ni Ederlyn sa text, marami ngayon ang sumisira kay Inday...

"Wala kang utang na loob, Ingrata ka! Traydor ka!
Masahol ka pa sa masahol!
Hindi ka na nahiya, mukha kang pera!
Ginawa lang kita, kaya kahit anong oras at kahit kailan, kayang-kaya kita wasakin!

- Ederlyn, bitterness and all"

----------------------

" Excuse me,iba pa rin ang ate ko!
Mas sikat siya kesa sayo!
Huwag kang masyadong papansin sa mga tao..."

-chakalyn kapatid ni ederlyn

----------------------

"Hindi porke magaling ka sa English eh tama ka na!
- Ederlyn pa rin, bitterness pa rin.."

nag aaway na sila ni ederlyn. dinaan nila sa text ang pag-aaway nila! ating basahin ang kanilang usapan..

Ederlyn: ikaw ba ang inday na sinasabi nila? at sino ka para itulad sakin ang iyong kasikatan ngyong akoy nanahimik na? wala kang karapatang pantayan ako! hayop ka!

Inday: my apologies, but the fact is your glory days are over my friend! i find it somewhat ridiculous your persistence on persuading people to come to your party that never existed is beginning to get into my nerves. damn you. damn u ederlyn. no one undermines inday's intelect, b!tch!

mapapansin nyo na umalis na si Inday sa amo nyang si Ederlyn.. heto naman ngayon ang kanyang pakikipagsapalaran sa iba pang amo.. ipagpatuloy natin ang pagsubaybay sa buhay ni Inday

"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance."
- Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya

"The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"
- ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)

- - - -
Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka… would you please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?

Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gowng". Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!

- - - -
"La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?
- si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España

*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday

"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"
- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market."
- banat ni Inday kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang

"Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the "oriza sativa" which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste."
- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing

"Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!"
- si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate… (Taray talaga ni Inday!)

"Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness."
- sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

- - - -
Amo: Day! Bakit may bukol si Junior?!
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: (Di nakareact)

- - - -
"Dear Mom,
Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.
Your daughter,
Inday"


"Dear Inday,
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Tatay"

- - - -
Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!
- - - -

Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bkit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7?
Inday: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.
- - - -

"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."
- sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff

- - - -
Amo: Inday, paki-abot nga 'yung ketchup...

Inday: While it can hardly be considered a health food, ketchup has been found to be a beneficial source of lycopene, an antioxidant which fights some forms of cancer. This is particularly true of the organic brands of ketchup. In fact, organic brands were found to contain three times as much lycopene as non-organic brands. Ketchup, much like marinara sauce and other cooked tomato foods, yields higher levels of lycopene per serving because cooking makes lycopene in tomatoes more bio-available.

Amo: Gaga!

-------

Inday: Higher stock index and low flow of investments triggered inflation, thus, the peso is weak. "

Amo: dali....tissue...nagnosebleed ako

-------

Dodong: Inday, pwede ba kita maging txtmate?

Inday: To forrestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request. Petition denied."

-------
AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discounting rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on PPE and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: Hinimatay!

Hahahaha... Magaling din pala si Inday sa Accounting!

-------
It's not that I don't like you. It's just that I feel we're still too young to entertain thoughts of fornication in the domicile of our employers. In fact, it's very immature to insinuate that I don't reciprocate your emotions just because I decline to perform an act of coitus with you. "

**** Inday, niri-reject si Dodong na makipag-sex.

-------

"listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way of entertainment..it doesn't contribute to the good of society..i hate character assassinators!.." - reklamo ni inday nang natsismis siya ng kapitbahay.

-------
i have been closely following your every statement, and I would just want to bring to your attention the following grammar violations the you have committed:

- the nerve impulse WAS received by the brain;

- what the f*ck did just LANDED;

- didn't your parents TAUGHT you to behave within ethical bounds?

May this message help you to improve your verbal interlocutions in your current workplace.


- Perfecta (mayordoma sa pinagtatrabahuhan ni Inday - away na ito!

maraming salamat sa pagbabasa mo, kaibigan.. nawa'y kahit paano ay napawi ko ang lumbay sa iyong buhay.. sige, ngumiti ka lang.. nakakagaan ng pakiramdam, di ba?

hanggang sa susunod na kabanata..

Paalam!

Claire :)